Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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