Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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