Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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