i just wanna soil my oats bro
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
