i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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