The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
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230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
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"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
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