My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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