I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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