It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
