I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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