i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
