holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
