My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser