Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????