I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt