i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
