Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(936): View more from Texas

what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?

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(936): what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card? http://tfl.nu/bsy4

Replies (78) Good night (5522) Bad night (935)
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(276): View more from Virginia

So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!

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(276): So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job! http://tfl.nu/fkyk

Replies (11) Good night (3854) Bad night (934)
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(818): View more from California

Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.

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(818): Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical. http://tfl.nu/onyl

Replies (42) Good night (10299) Bad night (2008)
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(281): View more from Texas

Thanks for getting me home last night.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.

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(281): Thanks for getting me home last night. (832): No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa. http://tfl.nu/wftp

Replies (29) Good night (9165) Bad night (1156)
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(516): View more from New York

Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.

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(516): Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning. http://tfl.nu/lzds

Replies (15) Good night (776) Bad night (5338)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him

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(203): theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him http://tfl.nu/busx

Replies (14) Good night (5949) Bad night (1616)
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(301): View more from Maryland

I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.

(704): View more from North Carolina

How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?

(301): View more from Maryland

Salt in an open wound right now.

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(301): I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job. (704): How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore? (301): Salt in an open wound right now. http://tfl.nu/m9a1

Replies (17) Good night (1695) Bad night (5238)
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(785): View more from Kansas

says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl

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(785): says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl http://tfl.nu/t2ss

Replies (3) Good night (2139) Bad night (910)
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(313): View more from Michigan

Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill

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(313): Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill http://tfl.nu/vbjy

Replies (8) Good night (2728) Bad night (1094)
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(628): View more from California

That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.

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(628): That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM. http://tfl.nu/93q7

Replies (56) Good night (7050) Bad night (915)
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(206): View more from Washington

She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient

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(206): She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient http://tfl.nu/4t82

Replies (1) Good night (1726) Bad night (550)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.

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(484): You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now. http://tfl.nu/l9he

Replies (4) Good night (657) Bad night (976)
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(415): View more from California

My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.

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(415): My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me. http://tfl.nu/kvah

Replies (7) Good night (864) Bad night (417)
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(702): View more from Nevada

This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag

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(702): This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag http://tfl.nu/ygs4

Replies (4) Good night (625) Bad night (301)
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(706): View more from Georgia

When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I just vodka nap now...

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(706): When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between (267): I just vodka nap now... http://tfl.nu/97w6

Replies (1) Good night (625) Bad night (359)

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