I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
