Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
