omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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