3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm jealous of your bromance
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
