I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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