Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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