Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
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OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
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Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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