Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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