Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize