i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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