Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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