I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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