she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize