You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
