What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
