I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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