I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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