i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You pole danced in your parka.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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