You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
