Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You are the jesus of drinking
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
