I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I want her autograph on my taint
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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