dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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