i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I wear drunk well.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
