She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
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after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
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Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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