we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
