She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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