I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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