She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
