I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
