Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
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Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
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He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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