Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize