So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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