I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
