It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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