dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My vagina just recognized that song.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I supernannyed him into submission
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