I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
