having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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