I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
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Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
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hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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