We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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