if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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