Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
