Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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