mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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