My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
