Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
