im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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