It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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