I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
