you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
zippers are such a cool invention
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
