Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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