I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
