if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
