I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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