I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
